The Waiting Game: Finances Edition

This piece was written while I was in college, though it remains a common theme in my life currently: waiting. I pray you’re blessed by it. 

Hey friends!

Can I be honest with you all for a second? Waiting is HARD. I know I talk about it often and how it's good for me, but it does not negate or have to negate the fact that it may feel hard for me. In this particular season of my life (that is, fall semester), God has been talking to me a lot about trusting Him. You see, I thought I was having a grand old time trusting Him, but honestly I was just touching the surface. I was afraid to go into the unknown with Him because I wanted to remain secure in my environment. And for me to think that God is the only Secure One and not actually believe that, it showed me where my faith was. And it wasn't fully in God. I even remember being upset whenever I got a word from God about trust because while I thought that I was doing it, I wasn't going deeper into where He called me. So, what happens when God calls you to wait on Him in the area of your finances? Keep reading to find out, but before I begin, let's go into prayer.

Abba, thank You so much for creating a space to share all that You are doing in my life - the good stuff and even the tough stuff. Would You help me to share Your truth with others and enjoy life the way you invited me to? I thank You and love You for all of these things, Abba. In Jesus' Name, I pray. Amen.

As the semester is slowly wrapping up, I finally got the chance to reflect on my summer and even parts of my semester. While I noticed things were going pretty well, I also noticed something: I was not trusting God as much as I said I did. You see, this past semester, I was instructed not to work this semester to see whether I trusted God as my Provider. Upon receiving that word, I immediately felt saddened because I thought I could no longer go out on outings because I did not have the funds to do so. I began to put the attention on myself and placed restrictions on myself without trusting that God could provide for me. I honestly thought I was being placed on probation and started acting like I was too.

I had a strong sense of pride, and since I didn't want others to know I wasn't working or feel embarrassed, I denied many invitations to go out with people. I stopped going out to some of my favorite places like Thai Garden because I thought I would not have the funds to go. The only time I "displayed trust" was for the "bigger things" because I knew I would be guaranteed/granted funding. And at some point, my faith would need to be revealed - as somewhat fake.

And it did, my friends saw right through my actions and read me to nip my behavior in the bud. I had placed the attention on myself, and they instantly pointed it back to God. They asked me whether I even thought that God was inviting me to enter a season of receiving. And honestly, I stared blankly at them because I thought they would've wallowed in despair with me. (Moments like this, you can see how I am extra.) I had not thought of that, and how would that have changed everything if I looked at things in that way? Honestly, I would have found myself enjoying life the way I was called to, as mentioned in Matthew 6:30-33, which reads as this:

30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

God was showing me that I did not really trust Him, especially with my finances. He showed me that I made financial security an idol to the point where I did not trust Him as the Provider for my needs. And that's where He's been calling me to this season. Can I say that I fully submitted to His instruction? I don't think so, but I think the beautiful part of all this is that God is still revealing Himself to be the Provider. Even if I am slow to realize this and accept it, it does not stop God from being who He is - The Provider.

So yeah, while I'm waiting, even if it seems hard, I am grateful for the fact that God still shows Himself to be true. You see, even as I struggle to trust Him, He still welcomes me and even takes the steps to teach me how and where I should be trusting Him. Isn't that cool? We aren't left stranded in the process of trusting God; we have all the Help that we need, and that's through the Holy Spirit. So even if it may seem hard to trust, I know that I can trust Him to help me in the process. Even if I fight against it, He still will help me in learning how to trust Him, which I'm entirely grateful for.

With that, I'd love to invite you to see how God serves as your Provider during the upcoming week. I pray your eyes are open, and you experience His goodness in ways you've never imagined. And for those who may not know God, what would it look like to put your trust in Jesus, the One who allows us to be right-standing with God? The Word says that salvation comes through confessing and believing. Confess with your heart that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, and you will be saved. I'd invite you to do that if you are deciding whether to follow Him.

Before I sign off, I do want to pray with you all.

Father God, I thank You for being a provider. I even repent of the ways in which I haven't trusted You in seeing You as the Provider. Would you continue to open my eyes and increase my faith to look to you as that. I'm sorry for selling it short in terms of your instructions. Would you help me to fully submit to You, in every aspect of my life? In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Welp, that's all I have for you this week. Check out the passage below, which I referenced earlier! Thank you so much for reading this! I look forward to hearing what you have to say about this! I love you all! Stay blessed, and enjoy your day! And remember, you are loved, salty, and lit. Talk to you soon! 🧡